Casualties of Parenthood

Ever notice how absolutely hazardous parenting is to your physical well being? I’m surprised our insurance premiums don’t go through the roof the second our babies become toddlers.

Parenting a toddler is by far the most dangerous adventure I have ever experienced. Can you relate?

The danger falls into two distinct categories I will examine here:

Danger to You

This post would just be plain old irresponsible if I failed to mention the head-butt. I could write the next great American novel on the perilous head-butt but I’ll offer the abridged version here.

Every toddler possesses the innate ability to throw their head backwards at lightning speed INTO YOUR FACE. Happy, happy, happy, BAM! Head-butt to the face and you’re left with a fat lip or a shiner.

True Story: It was the day before my 10 year high school reunion (Go Chargers!) and I was playing with my eldest who was 3-years-old at the time. Happy, happy, happy, BAM! He head-butted me right under the eye and I ended up with a black eye. UH MAH GAH, a freaking BLACK EYE on the eve of my high school reunion! Can’t you just see it, “Hi! This is my husband and my big old black eye…it’s not what you think.” I invested in some heavy pancake makeup and looked all kinds of theater-flawless for the occasion, but it was not my proudest moment. While I’ll take my street cred wherever I can get it, this wasn’t exactly what I had in mind.

Danger to Themselves

As we all know, it is our primary responsibility as parents to save our toddlers from themselves.

While toddlers need close monitoring in everyday life, our eagle eye is required in the event of a full blown tantrum. This brings me to the backwards head-whip (a variation of the head-butt, really). Full-blown tantrums typically entail a toddler whipping their head backwards at warp speed as you dive in slo-mo to catch it before the ground isn’t so forgiving. And if you think that swift head save isn’t going to cause you any harm; think again.

If only parenthood came with specially designed protective gear that allowed freedom of movement and came in a lovely array of fashionable colors. Hmm, Mommyfriend protective gear, I like it. It is a damn good thing toddlers are such little people because they sure find a way to hit the ground about a thousand times a day. Once our toddlers become mobile we all go through the motions of baby-proofing things like stove knobs, electrical outlets and table corners but danger lurks behind every wall, flagpole and curb. If you can hurt yourself on it, they’ll find a way. Heck, even if you can’t hurt yourself on it, they’ll still find a way.

And so we press on, armed with our first-aid kits and reassuring hugs for when it all goes wrong as it so often does. I am proud to report that to date we have only ever ended up in the E.R. one time on account of an injury and I better not have just jinxed myself there.

Toddlerhood is a wondrous time filled with laughter, tears and a boat load of band-aids. Our toddler experiences leave an indelible mark on us as parents, yet our children seem no worse for the wear. Like all things, this time will pass much too quickly. Your crazy toddler is an amazing creature, ready to experience life without fear; maybe we can all take a lesson from the toddlers in our lives.

Comments

  1. “Follow you from http://bizzimommi.blogspot.com Happy Follow Friday!”

  2. Stopping by with Friday Follow. Hope you had a fantastic week. Felissahttp://www.twolittlecavaliers.blogspot.comhttp://www.felissahadas.blogspot.com

  3. Me, again.No GFC? I’ll add you to my reader.

  4. You totally crack me up! Black eyes? I’m waiting for one of my boys to break my nose with the way they throw their big heads around.Found you through Friday Follow.

  5. Stopping by from Friday followers. I am also aware of the head butt and the worst part about it is how large and hard a toddler head can be. Spherically shaped wrecking balls.

  6. Happy Friday! Thank Goodness it’s almost the weekend, huh? I’m here from Friday Follow, and I’m your newest follower!I’d love if you’s check out my blog too!Thanks!Shannonhttp://www.milkandcuddles.com/

  7. Oh my!! How kids can head butt!!Hey! Found you over at Friday Follow so I thought I’d stop by your blog and say hello. Feel free to follow me at any of my blogs:My family blog-http://jessicaslilcorner.blogspot.comMy FREE custom blog designs blog-http://sostylilized.blogspot.comMy photography blog-http://www.jessicaslilmoments.comHappy Friday!! 🙂

  8. Following from Friday Follow!

  9. I am following you from Friday Follow. I hope you make it over and follow me too. Have a great weekend! Your blog looks great!

  10. Stopping by from Fri Follows – I’m a new twitter follower! Love to have you stop by:http://dimes2vines.com

  11. You are so right! I had actually forgotten about that throwing the head back skill!

  12. I must know— do you illustrate all of these cartoons?? They’re great!!I know all about the Head Whip– my son use to be a pro when he was younger… and my daughter -17 mo. is always falling over something because shes a climber. Infact, just today she bumped her head on the bottom step of our stair case as she was running around like a crazy woman-instant black and blue– wonderful.

  13. If I could post a photo here I would. I have several that would be appropriate for this post. Maybe the one of Ruby’s Black eye. Or perhaps one of her chipped front tooth. These things happened not because I am a horrible parent who doesn’t pay attention, but because SHE IS FEARLESS! The chipped tooth happened while she was “safely” strapped into her booster seat. I MEAN COME ON! Anyway, she is still here, and still crazy. None of her scrapes, bruises, or chips have slowed her down. They have just kept me on my toes. GREAT POST!

  14. Once again *phew…wiping tears from my eyes* you have me laughing out loud and naughtily reading your blog when I am supposed to actually be working. LOVE it! So true!!! LOVE the backwards head-whip! =)

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