BooBoo had a rough day yesterday; the mean streets of preschool must have gotten the better of him.
He was having no part of finger-painting and circle time, so he decided to exclude himself and act out inappropriately. BooBoo’s preschool teacher was giving me a recap of his day and I found myself apologizing; apologizing for a 3-year-old’s behavior. It wasn’t that his teacher was looking for an apology; she was simply telling me what I would want to know. But there I was, overwhelmingly compelled to apologize (hypocrite much?).
The three’s have been challenging, and I’m not even sure it’s the three’s. Little BooBoo is my spitfire, my ball of precocious energy wrapped up in one totally adorable package. This apology business isn’t entirely new for me either; I’ll admit there are times when I feel apologetic for my inability to control the situation. And so long as I’m being honest, I just know that pesky degree in Child Development makes me feel as if I should possess the know-how to diffuse such problematic situations. Well, I don’t.
Why have I set the bar so high for myself?
I have real difficulty allowing myself to be human as a mother, yet I spend the better part of my creative energies preaching about its importance. I do so because I believe allowing ourselves to be human is vitally necessary. I embrace and applaud the parent who is comfortable not having all the answers but it seems humanity is the gift I have yet to truly allow myself.
I’m working on not being sorry.
When I really think about it, I’m not sorry my kid had a bad day; we all have them sometimes. I’m not sorry BooBoo had difficulty communicating his emotions; he’s 3. Sure, I’m working with him to find better and more productive methods of self-expression but I have all the faith in the world in him. I know a spirit as large as his takes practice to maintain.
I’m not sorry; I’m lucky.
I’m lucky to have a spirited child who is transforming me into the best mother I can be, even if it is one tantrum at a time. I’m lucky to be given the opportunity to practice patience and grace. But most of all, I’m lucky just for knowing him. He’s mine and he’s wonderful and for that I’ll never be sorry.
MOMMYFRIEND 
THIS Is exactly what I am talking about. I am sick of apologizing for him being 2 or now 3…I just won’t. He is a spit fire and never stops, but he is a good little boy. I am sick of one small thing ruining his WHOLE week and being made to feel “bad.”
Thank you for tweeting me.
Thanks Theta Mom, that means a lot. Just doing the best I can and learning all the time!
“I’m lucky to have a spirited child who is transforming me into the best mother I can be, even if it is one tantrum at a time.” <—– Girl, after my post this week about tantrums, I think you now how I feel about the whole “control” bit. AWESOME post.
Peggy, I could not agree more. They do learn from us and while apologizing for them shows them, as well as other people that we as parents recognize inappropriate behavior. For me, apologizing is best reserved for when the behavior is beyond regular toddler naughtiness. I am all about good behavior and it matters to me a great deal and while I agree the time to discipline is now, I also realize he is 2. Being 2 doesn’t excuse everything, far from it, but it is a time of learning and enforcement of the boundaries we have established as parents. My shift in attitude is not a resignation or my raising the white flag, it is about choosing to focusing on solutions and reinforcement of the positive.
I’m right there with you! I once received some advice from another mom, who said, “When I can control my children, THEN I will apologize for them.” But I think it’s hard, because it seems like there are a lot of people who feel that as parents, we should be able to control our kids. And there is a HUGE difference between teaching, influencing and encouraging (which is really all we can do, right?) and controlling. Believe me, if I could CONTROL my kids, my house would be a lot cleaner! Haha!
Apologizing for your child’s behavior is the right thing to do. No matter what age they are, they act how we let them act. And if you have one that is often acting bad more than good, apologizing let’s other ppl know you recognize the bad behavior is not appropriate. Just to write it off as him being 2, or him being spirited is probably taking the easy way out. We shape our children. They learn from us. They learn what is and is not good behavior. And at 2, if they are acting bad alot, it is because they are being allowed to. NOW is the time to teach them that acting bad is not okay. If it is an occasional thing then I would say not to worry about it, but from what it sounds like, you make it sound like this is a pretty regular thing. I wouldn’t try to adopt a new attitude of not apologizing. I would try to catch the behavior problem early before it gets worse. And it will if it is allowed to get out of control. Maybe I am misunderstanding and it is not really such a big problem, but the title of the blog is your’e not sorry. Seems like there’s a problem.
Awwwww, I know exactly how you feel! I find myself CONSTANTLY apologizing out in public when my kids DARE to act like, well, kids! Isn’t it crazy?!