Kids Are the Ultimate Excuse

I (barely) remember being childless.

What I do remember is being expected to work late nights, put in weekends, help people move and attend every wedding, shower, birthday party and get together…even for those I barely met one time. The truth was I had a really hard time saying no.

I grew bitter and selfish with my time. I was tired of people assuming I had all the time in the world just because I didn’t have kids.

Turns out people were sorta right. I did have all the time in the world; I just didn’t realize it back then.

I started using my kid as an excuse from the very beginning. I had the worst morning sickness ever (like ever ever). I barfed everywhere: home, work, the freeway during rush hour traffic, the mall…even a P.F. Chang’s. I basically secluded my barftastic self from the world. It seemed I had finally got my wish, the ultimate excuse — only it was a shame it had to come in the form of extreme nausea.

Once I had a baby I found myself using him as an excuse more and more. In all honesty, going out with a baby was hard and I couldn’t always muster the energy to make it work. Going out caused more stress than it was worth between nap times, feeding times and poopy times. In time I  just kinda figured, heck, this baby excuse was good stuff. It worked and people understood. Score!

As legitimate as my baby excuses were in the beginning, I found myself pulling the child card every time I found myself anywhere I didn’t want to be. If I was uncomfortable, tired, or just plain bored I’d mention I needed to go because my son [insert lie here]. I didn’t feel too bad about it either; my son wasn’t old enough to realize his mom was a liar.

It seemed becoming a mom finally gave me the ability to say no (albeit in a cop-out sorta way) without all the sucky guilt associated with a traditional “no”.

Now that my kids are older, I’ve abandoned my lying ways (for the most part), but gosh, the free pass sure was nice while it lasted.

Do you use ever your kids as an excuse? Be honest.

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