Pencils. Three mechanical pencils have gone missing from my desk. Again.
“Where are my pencils?” I howl. “Who has my pencils?!”
My kids know exactly which pencils I’m talking about — Pentel Side FX 0.7s. These mechanical marvels write and erase like pure butter, and I’m completely obsessed with them. The problem is, so are my kids.
I have bought package after package (after package) of these perfect pencils. I’ve cared for them. I’ve hidden them. And yet, time and time again, they’re lost and never again to be found by the young people who live here.
I know it sounds ridiculous, but Mom’s pencils are the source of a lot of dissension under our roof. On any given day, you can find me hissing variations of the following:
Stop taking things off my desk!
Who was the last person to use my pencils? WHO?
Mom needs her pencils to do HER JOB!
You guys can’t even leave me one pencil? NOT ONE?
To add insult to writing utensil injury, there’s not even a chewed-up Ticonderoga #2 to fall back on. We seem to hoard promotional pens, dried out markers, and broken crayons, but a single pencil? No way. And it’s not for lack of buying them. Nearly every week, I pick up a pack of old school pencils. Where on earth do they go? I can only figure my kids trade them for some edible containing high fructose corn syrup. Or maybe there’s a hole in their backpacks where pencils fall behind like a trail of breadcrumbs? I couldn’t tell you where all our pencils go to die, but I can tell you we fight about them way more than any family should.
***
So all this pencil fury got me wondering about the stupidest things other families fight about in their homes. I asked, and boy, did you answer:
“Toothpaste. [Each kid] has to have their own tube because they don’t like how the other squeezes it out.” — Sasha
“Socks. Why can’t anyone ever find their socks? Do they throw them away when they’re done wearing them? And if they do find a pair of matching socks, WHY do they wear them outside with no shoes on, ruining that elusive matching pair? Also: do NOT wear MY socks.” — Shell, Things I Can’t Say
“My kids fight over breathing. My oldest would like his younger brother to not breathe because apparently when he does, it’s too loud.” — Mychal
“‘Who put the juice carton back in the fridge with 1 cm of juice left in it?’” — Stefania, Clever Girls
“Tweezers. My teenage daughter always takes them. Drives me nuts. Even if I buy her her own, she ends up with mine or loses them. It’s constant! One day I’ll find a ton of tweezers hidden somewhere, I swear!” — Jenny
“How the ever-loving dishwasher is loaded. WHO CANNOT GET THAT RIGHT? Especially after being told so many times!” — Jessica, Single Mom Nation
“We fight over hand towels. Where is it? Who used it last? Why is it in the hamper if I just hung it up this morning? Ewww, who wiped their boogers on it?!” — Sunday, The Knotty Ostrich
“Couch cushions. When I ask someone to straighten up the couch, they always have multiple pillows with the seam side UP! How hard is it to pillows on the couch right? According to my family, it’s impossible.” — Jaime
“I leave all the lights on in the house ALL the time and [my husband] can’t seem to make it to the hamper with his work clothes even though it’s about a foot away from the bed.” — Jill
“I just bought a very expensive jar of pickles (because I adore pickles and I’m worth it) and my husband just ate most of them and doesn’t even care about pickles. I need to go walk this one off … ” — Anna, HaHas for HooHas
“Scissors. DO NOT touch my crafting scissors. No, they are not for anything but MY things. They are sharp for a reason!” — Dahlia
“No matter how many times I show my husband, he can’t put paper napkins in the napkin holder the ‘right way’ (you know, so that you only pull one at a time and not a bazillion).” — Silvia
“Cups left BY the sink or dessert bowls left in the sink. WHY? It takes two seconds to rinse it out!” — Amber, From Carpools to Cocktails
“Replacing the damn toilet paper roll! Whyyyyyy is this so difficult?” — Jessica
“My kids fight over cuddling with me at bedtime (vs. their dad). Sounds sweet, right? But really it’s because I can be talked into giving a back massage. That makes it less sweet and more like an unpaid masseur.” — Laura, MomAngeles
“Who should talk when; attention seekers.” — Matum
“The alarm clock: If you’re not actually going to get up at 4 AM to work out, don’t set the alarm and keep pushing snooze. Once it goes off, I’m awake, and I get to listen to you snore for the next two hours.” — Sarah
“I apparently leave the pepper grinder inside down ALL the time. I’m still not sure why this matters. [My husband] leaves all the kitchen cabinet doors and drawer open. It makes me turn into the Hulk!” — Noel
“[My husband] leaves way less than a single serving (and usually all small bits and crumbs) when he gets to the end of a bag of chips. Just finish them!” — Christine
“What to have for dinner.” — Carly
MOMMYFRIEND 
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