An Open Letter to My Gynecologist

Dear Dr. Lady Parts,

As I sit here on the noisy paper lining of your exam table, I’m unable to think about anything but the two very thin, very low thread count sheets covering my very naked, very cold body.

I know I don’t write, I don’t call, but I’m here now for my annual preventative maintenance and isn’t that all that really matters?

In answer to your questions, yes, I feel my boobies regularly. No, I don’t have any pain. Yes, I still have the same sexual partner. No, I don’t have any vagina problems.

Enough of the small talk, let’s get down to female brass tacks.

As your naked and vulnerable patient, I feel the need to express the following wants, desires and concerns on how to better provide me with most excellent gynecological care:

1. Give me a drawer. I can’t exactly explain why I feel the need to hide my bra and panties from you between the expertly folded clothing I’ve just removed; I just know I need to. A drawer would tell me you’re invested in this relationship.

2. How about some goddamn flannel sheets if you’re going to insist upon keeping me waiting naked in this meat locker…[read more]

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Comments

  1. haha this is exactly how I feel! You write amazing articles that makes my day!

    The one thing they always say that I never want to hear..
    “You’ll just feel a little pressure and a little pinch.”

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