The Delivery Room: Golden Ticket Required


[Image: Cafepress.com]

The birth of your baby is a momentous occasion worthy of tremendous celebration.  But is your birth “the place” to be?  Of course your family and friends are bursting at the seams with adoration for your unborn child.  They love your little sweet pea so much in fact, that they are eager to be involved from the very moment your baby enters this world, but does all that excitement guarantee a golden ticket to the delivery room?  For me, the answer was a resounding no. 

[Image: almostalwaysthinking.com]

As a wise Mommy Friend told me, “If you weren’t there when this baby was made, then you won’t be there for the delivery.”  I couldn’t have said it better myself.  Many a pregnant Mommy Friend and I have lamented the assumption that many mothers, in-laws and sisters make regarding their admission to the delivery room.  Not only do certain family members assume an invitation, some dare assume V.I.P. status complete with backstage passes. 

I know lots of Mommy Friends feel quite the contrary, viewing birth as a beautiful familial experience to be shared by older children and extended family members.  While I understand and even celebrate this idea on a cerebral level, for me personally, I’m going to go out on a limb and just call birth embarrassing.  Yes, delivery is undoubtedly a beautiful experience filled with rainbows and butterflies but it is also filled with vagina.  Yes, I just said vagina.  It is a medical word so I’m not being obscene or telling you anything you don’t already know.  In an attempt to take the sting out of the word, I’m just going to say it one more time, vagina.  So if I’m not even a fan of showing my vagina to my OB/GYN, I most certainly wouldn’t be a fan of showing it off to members of my extended family.  I just happen to believe certain body parts are called “privates” for a reason.  Again, I understand that birth isn’t just about vagina per se, but in my prudish little mind, it really is.  Perhaps I’m not progressive enough to see the bigger picture.  Not only did I institute the NO VIDEO, NO BIRTHING MIRRORS, NO FAMILY rule in the delivery room, I also instituted the NO MEDICAL STUDENTS rule as well, just for good measure.  My personal peepshow was going to be an intimate performance with limited ticket sales. 


[Image: fotosearch.com]

Following birth, only when I had been given the opportunity to rest, eat and bond with my new baby was I ready to receive visitors.  I wasn’t trying to be a primadonna or drag out the anticipation any longer; I just wanted a little space and the opportunity to absorb the experience without a lot of noise or clutter.  I think the best gift we can give a new mom is the courtesy of space and time even though the family is chomping at the bit to kiss those little piggies. 

The moral of the story is this:  Mom and Dad created this life and have earned to right to decide who makes the invite list to the party delivery and while some may wish to share it, others may not.  For all of us who didn’t nab a golden ticket to the birth experience, just remember, there will be plenty of time to get to know this precious new life and the new parents will need our support more than ever postpartum!

Comments

  1. Generally I do not post on blogs but this is an Excellent post! Thanks.

  2. “Yes, delivery is undoubtedly a beautiful experience filled with rainbows and butterflies but it is also filled with vagina. Yes, I just said vagina.”Awesome! Thank you! Finally someone telling the honest truth. I get so tired of “it’s a beautiful experience…blah blah blah.” Once I mentioned after a coworker had a baby that I thought the whole experience was “kinda gross” and by the look on her face you would have thought I just told her I eat babies for breakfast. Yikes. Some mommies are touchie!

  3. But I think all the family members like parent and in laws should be there with you at this very important day of your life. We need blessing of all our elders, shouldn’t we ?

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  6. You really make it seem so easy with your presentation but I find this topic to be really something which I think I would never understand. It seems too complicated and very broad for me. I am looking forward for your next post, I will try to get the hang of it! 🙂

  7. Well said! I agree with you! I can never understand why some women want their parents, inlaws, children et al to be there at the most intimate moment in their lives, staring at their most intimate body part! No thanks! 🙂

  8. your welcome!! Not weird to say you could kiss me!! I’m so glad I could help!! I Hope it works for you, as I only really know how to work blogger, not wordpress. let me know how it goes! glad i found ya! I’ve been over at the Theta Mom Community too!

  9. Totally put the “if you were’t there when the baby was conceived, you aren’t invited to watch the birth” rule into effect for my daughters birth.

  10. I love your wise mommyfriend – that is a great line and I will tell it to my doula clients who don’t want any extra visitors at their “party”. Birth is so personal and people need to respect whatever the mama wants (dads needs are good to consider but I say mama trumps everyone in this situation). Good for you for having the courage to give the med students the boot – I’ve heard from so many women who had an audience of strangers and didn’t realize they could say no. As a midwife student I worked with one resident who would stand at the end of the bed with his arms crossed watching every internal exam the midwife did and it really irritated me – especially because there ain’t nothing clinical to see when someone is checking dilation. However, to be fair there was also a really awesome med student who would jump right in and support the moms and help them push and encourage them – I hope he decides to be an OB one day 🙂

  11. The births of both of my daughters seem like sooo long ago, I can hardly remember! Thats so sad, isnt it?

  12. Good Topic – funny how different moms feel completely different about this issue. When my girls were born it was just me and hubby, although for one, we did have a team of med students coming through right at the end!! I didn’t even notice them – I was kinda busy. I invited my Mom too, but she was like “um – no”. I was hoping my daughter would invite me, but she didn’t and that is fine too. I have forever imprinted in my mind the first time I saw my Lovebird and she was in her smiling mommy’s arms.

  13. I’m so in agreement with you on that one. I didn’t even want my hubby looking down there while I was pushing out our peanut! Unfortunately the doctor thought otherwise and told him to “look at all the hair on this kid!” @@ hummm it has been almost 12 years now, I wonder if he’s gotten over that yet? ;o)Yes, I get the whole crunchy granola family experience thing. But unless you have a medical degree, you ain’t looking at my hoo-ha!

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