As I lie awake obsessing over BooBoo’s kindergarten readiness, my husband inhales deep, peaceful breaths that make me more anxious than ever. He’s not worried about BooBoo’s readiness at all, or wrestling with the guilt of serving our kids cereal for dinner. He’s sleeping peacefully under the mistaken impression that I was a good mom today.
Little does he know I forgot their vitamins and didn’t insist on baths either.
Nights like tonight when I look back over a day of missed mom opportunities, I can’t help but hate myself a little.
The kids watched too much TV and played too many video games today, my conscious warns. Sure, I was trying to catch up working from home, but my kids hardly saw me and there I was, twenty feet from them. Wasn’t this why I left my job outside the home in the first place I wondered, to be present for my kids?
So I’m here, but I’m not here. Everything in my gut tells me that being absent while present is probably the biggest mom crime of all…[read more]