In Defense of Kids Coming First in a Marriage

A friend of mine is going through a divorce and as far as divorces go it’s a “pretty good one” she says.

They’ve agreed on just about everything from the custody arrangement to who walked away with the vinyl collection. “Matt’s a good guy; I just couldn’t please everyone. In the end he said I loved the kids more,” she quipped between piping hot sips of English Breakfast tea.

I listened and wondered, did she really love the kids more? Did Matt see his wife’s love as a limited resource? Did Matt feel in competition with his own kids?

When I stumbled upon Disney’s article, Do Good Moms Make Bad Wives?, I wondered why the divide between romantic and paternal love exists at all. They don’t feed from the same pool, unless we reduce the argument to a very basic question of time and energy. Are moms now expected to feel guilty for providing energy to the children who need them? While I understand husbands need attention too, they’re grown and hopefully the well-adjusted result of a mother who offered them attention during their pivotal years. Shouldn’t husbands, being the fathers they are, appreciate the energy their wives bestow on their children?

Read more about why I put my children first in my marriage and join in on the discussion, right here.


  1. workspousestory says:

    I don’t have kids yet and already feel I will love them as strong as my husband, but potentially even more. I think that’s natural, and I hope it will be the same for him! Our kids are the most important people in our lives. We owe them that!

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