Stranger Danger


[Image: highsmith.com]

I have decided nothing, and I mean nothing is better than having a stranger tell you how to raise your children.

About 3 weeks ago, my friend and I were in the ladies restroom at work and we were talking about Little BooBoo’s naughty preschool escapades.  We were chatting over the bathroom stall walls (like girls do) and all of the sudden an unidentified voice chimes in with all sorts of authoritative parenting advice.  I sort of “uh-huh”-d this mystery lady as I was wrangling with my slip because while I am a friendly sort of girl, I don’t like it when strangers presume to know my kids.  And since I really don’t like wrangling with my slip, you can only imagine how receptive I was to the unsolicited advice. 

Minutes later, “Dear Abby” reveals herself from the bathroom stall and just as I suspected, she is a certifiable stranger.  Long after the flushes and hand washing, this lady kept talking and talking.  I immediately turn to my friend to proclaim my annoyance by mumbling, “So anyway…” as we escape the bathroom therapy session.  Admittedly, I was putting out my best mean girl vibes so I was pretty sure Dear Abby caught my drift.

Fast forward 2 weeks later and I’m in the same bathroom again.  This time I’m in a silent tug of war with my pantyhose when I hear a voice mention something about “bad 2 year olds”.  I’m confused, who is this?  The voice sounds familiar, are they talking to me?  I hesitantly continue the conversation since I wouldn’t want to be rude (no, really).  I lose the war with my pantyhose and exit the stall to wash my hands.  I suddenly realize who is lurking behind the stall door, Dear Abby with her x-ray vision!  How else would she know it was me?  She starts telling me what a bully Little BooBoo is going to be once he starts Kindergarten.  She cautions me that I’m being too easy on him since he’s obviously not afraid of me.  She suggests I put him in a home care environment and pull him out of traditional preschool because he’s not ready.   At this point I’m getting “hot blood” (as Big Daddy P calls it) because I’m pretty sure this woman doesn’t know my name or even what department I work in.  What’s worse is that I can’t tell if I’m more irritated by the presumptuous nonsense spilling out of her mouth or by her scrunchie. Yes, scrunchie. 


[Image: Flicker.com]

I’m sorry, not only do I refuse to take parenting advice from a stranger who doesn’t know my child, I’ll be damned if I’ll take advice from someone who doesn’t know scrunchies have been illegal since 1994.  I politely interrupt her rant to tell her that every child is different.  I also notify her that I have an older son so I’ve been down this road before.  In other words, thanks but no thanks.  Then, sensing my frustration, she brings out the big guns and asks, “Is Daddy involved?”  Oh, no you didn’t. 

For a hot second I was thinking Dear Abby was fixing to throw down in this here bathroom.  Even in my pencil skirt and kitten heels, I was pretty sure I could take her, starting with that scrunchie.  Then again, I bruise pretty easily and don’t like messing up my hair so I decided to take the high road.  My better judgment advised me Dear Abby didn’t know who she was dealing with, I am Mommy Friend Lori.  I have a blog and I know how to use it.  I also know this is the stuff that blogs are made of.  While I’ll admit I don’t have all the answers, the one thing I do know is my kid. 

Refusing to answer the baby daddy question on principal, I excuse myself with my fiercest eye-roll like any classy Mommy Friend would.   With my indignant swagger, I head back to my desk and vow to write this blog.  Now that it’s written, part of me if sort of hoping for a Part II…    

Comments

  1. First of all…How did I miss this post?????????Second…HAHAHAHAHAHA! Pencil skirt and kitten heels? You are a friggin genius, Lori!!! I would have paid any money to see that throw down. I bet you angry ugly woman has been trained to kill 7 different ways with that scrunchie. Oh for crying out loud. WHY do people find it necessary to offer up parenting advice…especially to people they don’t know? I hope there’s a part 2 also…can’t wait. =)

  2. I was going to comment on this post but then I started reading the love story below. Awwww! I totally forgot all about the nosy lady in the bathroom.

  3. Wow, I can’t believe that! Found your blog through Friday Follow. Looks like you have some great stuff. http://bloggerchixdesigns.blogspot.com

  4. I can’t believe her nerve! I am amazed she was doing that.

  5. Wow – super rude! My favorite thing to do with people like this is to be rude right back but in a super sweet way so that they are left a bit bewildered. Example in response to the baby daddy question – “My, my aren’t we a bit nosy and judgmental?” Said with a big smile and a super sweet voice. Then simply turn around quickly on your fabulous shoes, revealing your lovely scrunchy-free hair do and walk on out the door. The beauty of it is – you get your dig in, but without giving her the pleasure of upsetting you 🙂

  6. I think this stems from the “need” to start a conversation just for the sake of hearing yourself talk. Stalker lady just couldn’t stand not being in on the juicy convo the first time w/o adding her expert advice (that you so obviously needed! note the sarcasm) and the second visit was just a follow up.I think you handled part 2 pretty well with the eye roll and exit of the bathroom. Hopefully there won’t be another confrontation, but if there is you could mention that you really don’t appreciate her advice, and may have a word with her supervisor if she doesn’t quit it. okay that’s harsh…but honestly some folks can’t take a hint, or give up their scrunchies.

  7. Stopping by from TMC Network!Who on earth wears scrunchies anymore? That alone voids any information she may have tried to provide.I’m pretty nonconfrontational in those scenarios but I’d be tempted to tell her to shove it. And her scrunchie, too.

  8. did she have on hammer pants too?

  9. I say find out who this devil woman is and show her what a bully can really do. Okay, not really, you are far kinder than that. Oh, the nerve of some people makes my blood boil. She obviously is trying to find some way to feel significant (which she isn’t). Maybe you could give her some unsolicited fashion advice! Tell her you used to wear scrunchies too, back when they were in style. Then tell her she should stuff it in her mouth the next time she wants to tell you how to raise your kids. Having support and advice (when requested) is wonderful but please, if she were any kind of mother she would know to shut the h#@l up about someone elses kids; at least in front of them 🙂

  10. First let me start by saying that I am tired. But reading your post – I was mad that this was happening to you and then as soon as I heard the word scrunchie I started laughing! Anyways, that woman should mind her own business! Now I wonder if you will have a part 2 to this post…

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