The Outsider


I have always been a personable gal.  Growing up, I was continuously busted in the classroom for talking too much and committing countless social crimes which have made me the Mommy Friend I am today.  As easy as it has always seemed for me to make friends, when it came to making friends at my eldest’s elementary school, I wasn’t so lucky. 

I was 39 weeks pregnant when I waddled into the first day of Kindergarten where all the moms seemed to already know each other.  I was guessing it was from already having older kids established in the school, being active in the PTA or having kids in Little League together.  I had none of these things and as a working Mommy Friend new to the neighborhood, I was just simply out of the loop.  Me, the outsider, who would have thought? 

My little friendly smiles and puppy dog eyes didn’t seem to get me too far.  It seemed breaking into the established mom clique wasn’t going to be as easy as I thought.  What I needed was an all-knowing mom to pick up on my social desperation and outsider status and place me under her wing.  I needed to be part of another mom’s entourage, if only for a while until I could get my bearings and establish total domination.  OK, no domination, not even close, but I wanted to be a member of the school mom sorority and I simply wasn’t.  Like a desperate pledge in the hippest sorority, I wanted in on the language, the lifestyle; I wanted to know the gossip about the teachers and how the local schools compared.  In other words, I wanted in on the skinny, the scoop, the dirt.  Instead, I just stood there pretending to text like I do in awkward situations.  All the moms hugged, so happy to see each other, planning lunches and play dates.  I was there, the misfit ready to pop, preoccupied with how I was going manage Kindergarten with a newborn.
 

All the sudden I spot a preggo, one of my own, I think “YES!”  She walks over to me, we click, we know, we are one.  It is serendipitous; she barely knows anyone and has a 5 year old son like me.  Thank you Lord for getting my imaginary text and sending me Mommy Friend Jamie!  I instantly know it is destiny.  She mentions something about all these crazy mothers and it was like the heavens opened.  She is real, she is pregnant, she is super uncomfortable and she is not up for this charade. 

It’s funny, I’ve always been the girl who secretly scans the room to spot the underdog so I can make her part of my team.  For the first time, I was the underdog and she found me.  It’s been 2 years and Mommy Friend Jamie has been a wonderful support through missing homework pages, changes in school schedules and confusing school bulletins. 

The moral of the story Mommy Friends: It’s OK to be the outsider.  You don’t need to befriend all these mommies; you just need one really good one.

And to all those snobby school moms who have left me out of their too cool mom group, you may have friends, but I have Mommy Friends.  Even one true Mommy Friend is better than a sea of snobby mom acquaintances.  Mommy Friends don’t judge, Mommy Friends have open hearts and Mommy Friends are always there.

Comments

  1. Sounds like Jamie is the perfect Mommy Friend for you! So glad you two found each other!

  2. How true it is!! I am so that Mom right now in pre-school… in our old preschool I was “in” the “in”crowd… now Im just “that young mom no one likes cause– well she’s young- GROSS” lol (at least thats what Ive chalked it up to ) But alls it takes is one quality friend! Love the blog- and the illustrations…So glad to have found you through twitter.

  3. Good post! I found you on Twitter. I have the same experience..compounded by odl age. Lats year when our son was a Kindergartener this 43 year old Mommy stuck out like a sore thumb. Luckily as the year progressed I encountered not one but TWO “advanced maternal age” Mom’s and their boys are First Graders with to this year too.

  4. OMG AWESOME…and right back at-cha girly…I totally felt the same way, we are def.destine to be mommy friends and I am grateful, thankfukl and BLESSED to have such a wonderful friend in my life! I was bustin up and teared up@the same time.. Thanks for always being here for me as well. And YES, forget those other snobby moms and teachers, they really dnt know what there missin!!

  5. Allow me to be [one of the] first to comment…Yes, I have been there. It’s awkward and embarassing and for someone who is typically the life of the party…so lonely. I’m glad you found Mommy Friend Jamie. =) …And I’m glad I found YOU!

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