Wait, I’m Pregnant?

Finding Out

So you bought a pregnancy test even though you thought there was no possible way you could be pregnant.  Your stupid period has eluded you but you either just came off the pill, have been really stressed out or always had irregular periods.  So at the advice of your Mommy Friend, you buy the cheapest pregnancy test against your better judgment, feel a little embarrassed for having made said purchase, and go home to pee on a stick.

Suddenly you feel sick, diarrhea, fast heart beat, sweaty and like a freight train…2 lines appear.

With shaky hands you check the box, 2 lines = pregnant.

What?  2 lines = pregnant?

2 LINES = PREGNANT!?

Convinced the test is wrong you either rush back out to your local CVS and buy the most expensive test you can afford or you rip open the 2^nd test that comes in the kit and you repeat the process.

Oh. My. God.  I. Am. Pregnant.

How the hell did this happen?  I mean, you know how it happened. But seriously…

So once the realization finally hits you that you are, in fact pregnant, you suddenly spin through a fog.  A fog of confusion, elation, fear, or all of these combined. 

Some of you will pick up a phone and dial a trusted girlfriend before you ever tell your partner.  The frantic dial, praying that your friend answers with each passing ring, needing them more than ever to help you process this huge chunk of information.

You spend an hour on the phone, you feel a little better, now comes time to tell your partner.

If your pregnancy was planned you probably have already dreamed up some super adorable way to tell your partner so now you are scrambling to get all the tools, supplies or staff required to pull off your grand reveal.

If your pregnancy has come as the shocker of the ages, you feel like you are gonna burst at the seams until you can spill it.  Times moves ever so slowly the day you are waiting for your partner to get his butt home.  Each agonizing minute that passes feels like an eternity.  Finally, you hear the car door.  He’s home, DUN DUN DUN!

Telling your Partner: A Planned Pregnancy Scenario

So you have some adorable way to share the good news all planned out.  Your partner walks through the door and you are as sweet as pie, he looks confused.  Suddenly you want to hug and hold him with this uncomfortable long embrace and he seems puzzled.  You are maybe wearing a button that says,”Mommy To Be” or your little one is all decked out in a shirt that says, “I’m the big brother/sister”.  It goes unnoticed.  You try to be coy and present these items in obvious view, it goes unnoticed.  You have to end up spelling it out like you are explaining it to a kindergartener.  It didn’t go as planned.  You are irritated.  He finally gets it, he is shocked, he asks, “How did this happen?”  You roll your eyes at such a lame reaction pretending you didn’t have the same reaction just 3 hours earlier.  He seems robotic, unsure, confused, sorta happy but more confused.  You feel disappointed.  He needs time to process the news and you feel unsupported and alone.  Your pregnancy hormones are raging now, why should you (the knocked up one) have to calm him down?  Why God why?  This was planned, dammit; you knew it was a possibility.  He needs time to process it, only he doesn’t call a friend, he internalizes.  You have serious doubt his inner voice can walk him through this, you try to talk to him and he answers you quietly with 1 word answers.  You try to be cool but you so obviously aren’t.  Eventually, he works it out, he understands you are pregnant, he understands how it happened, he understands you need his support and he is wonderful, even excited.  He hugs you, in a long embrace, maybe you cry, you pull away, convinced he is smothering the baby and your story begins.

Telling your Partner: A Surprise Pregnancy Scenario

OK, so here you are pregnant and now you get the distinct pleasure of telling your unsuspecting partner about your unexpected baby.  Maybe you are feeling guilty that your birth control failed, maybe you are upset with yourself for not using birth control at all.  Maybe you don’t know how to feel at all or how to let him know.

Pregnancy is best communicated in person.  A friendly, “I’m pregnant” via text or Facebook hardly seems the way to go.  So he gets home, you proclaim your maternity and guess what…he has the exact same reaction of a partner who learns of a planned pregnancy.  No joke. 

Again, to take from the Planned Pregnancy scenario above:

You have to end up spelling it out like you are explaining it to a kindergartener.  It didn’t go as planned.  You are irritated.  He finally gets it, he is shocked, he asks, “How did this happen?”  You roll your eyes at such a lame reaction pretending you didn’t have the same reaction just 3 hours earlier.  He seems robotic, unsure, confused, sorta happy but more confused.  You feel disappointed.  He needs time to process the news and you feel unsupported and alone.  Your pregnancy hormones are raging now, why should you (the knocked up one) have to calm him down?  Why God why?  He needs time to process it, only he doesn’t call a friend, he internalizes.  You have serious doubt his inner voice can walk him through this, you try to talk to him and he answers you quietly with 1 word answers.  You try to be cool but you so obviously aren’t. 

In the end, hopefully, to take from the above scenario once more:

Eventually, he works it out, he understands you are pregnant, he understands how it happened, he understands you need his support and he is wonderful, even excited.  He hugs you, in a long embrace, maybe you cry, you pull away, convinced he is smothering the baby and your story begins.