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Somewhere between my first and second child I abandoned radical parenting and the world (or at least my kids) breathed a collective sigh of relief.
I was all up in my eldest’s developmental biz from the time he was born. I was busy filling his days with tummy time, music time, reading time and tactile time. If it was suggested by Dr. Joe Blow, M.D., I made time. I cut off the pacifier and the bottle at precisely the “right” time. I didn’t stop there either, I moved him to a big boy bed and began to potty train at the “right” time as well. Problem was, none of those things felt very right at the time.
For me, textbook parenting was gospel and ultimately, my greatest rookie mistake.
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Even deep in the throes of my radical parental reign, hereby knows as “The Dark Ages”, I knew there wasn’t a “right” time for every child. Then again, logically knowing something and believing it are two entirely different things. I denied every maternal instinct in adherence to textbook parenting; classic rookie mistake. I know there were certain developmental milestones my eldest wasn’t ready for, but with mama pushing so hard to keep him on developmental track, we were left with nothing but a lot of tears and aggravation we could have all lived without. And to my eldest, Mommy apologizes for the McDonald’s potty fiasco of 2004; dark, dark times.
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Evidently giving birth to Little BooBoo was the last of my pushing because once he was born, I was just tired. I was simply too tired to push developmental anything. If you want to know just how much I’m not pushing, consider that my 2 ½ year old is still sleeping in a crib and on occasion, still takes a bottle at night (don’t judge…and in case you just can’t help yourself, know that I’m tossing them out this weekend). As for potty training, the preschool is pushing way harder than this Mommy Friend. Little BooBoo is a smart and happy child, showing his readiness for these new developmental milestones on his own schedule and making smashing progress.
I’ve learned after all these years to trust my maternal instincts and help my children reach the next level based on their readiness cues. This is probably something most (if not all) of you Mommy Friends knew all along, but my journey toward this realization apparently needed to be learned the hard way.
Nobody, including the experts could know my children the way I do and my only regret is that I didn’t learn the lesson earlier; dark, dark times [shudder].
While I continue to devour child development books, I am now confident enough to separate the wheat from the chaff when it comes to my kids. No one could have pushed me into confident parenting any sooner than I could have pushed a reluctant toddler into potty training.
My instincts were there all along, I just needed to trust them.
MOMMYFRIEND 
Oh Donna, the things we learn along the way! Thanks for sharing your story, if only our babies came with manuals! We comeout better parents for it on the other side!
I love this post… we’ve all done this with our kids. I made all my own baby food for #1, no violent toys (guns), bought him a doll, let him watch almost no TV, etc! He’s in the Navy now!!!
I’m a grandmother now and try not to get in the way. And, I trust my son and his wife to know what their children need. You said it all when you talked about the ‘maternal instinct’.. I think we do know what’s best, as we know when things are good or not. Potty training.. in the long run it’s not such a big deal!
ohh what a title… Here I am at the other end. A pro with 3 grown that I can be so proud of.
I’ll be brave and put it out there… my ROOKIE mistake involved breast feeding. With Bunny, she was eating and sleeping just fine. She had gone from 9lb. 3oz at birth to 9lb 14 oz at 2 wk check up. round about 4 weeks old, my mother told me she looked paltry. “AH!! mothers right??? worry 2 2 2 much. So – no worries, gaining weight – ped says all’s well at the 4 week checkup where she weighed 9lbs even. Not to worry he says. 2 weeks later, she has not had a bowl movement in 10 days…. Still eating and sleeping just fine. Day of her christening…. Mom is concerned about the no bowl movement thing… We call the Dr. – not to worry (again) typical of Breast fed babies. Mom insists on enima (sp?). Works, but really nothing coming. So now baby is crying. I say its about everyone about for the Christening and having been invaded by enimas! Up till this time she was so relaxed, happy, sleeping and eating fine. so after a day of screaming, i call ped again. go back on Monday… Baby is 5 weeks old and now weights 8lbs 10oz. Now they tell me – try to supplement with some formula…. Ok. she nurses and falls asleep. I wake her up and try to get her to take the bottle. Once she latches on…. she is GULPING!!! I still have nightmares that i was starving my child, despite my best intentions… Other message is maybe mother has an insight. don’t discount it out of hand or ego!.
so luckily, despite how this haunts me, Bunny grew up to be extremely smart, beautiful, talented, athletic and sweet. (of cours that is a moms’ opinion)
Did i manage to find perfection in inperfection????
It’s a learning experience for sure. I imagine you are a terrific mom! I just know you are!
Definitely trust your instincts.
I think my middle son would still be in his crib at age 4 if I hadn’t had to kick him out at almost 3 so that the baby could have the crib.
And potty training? My oldest was almost 3.5 and my middle was 3 and a few months when I potty trained them. Why? B/c that way, it took less than 2 days and that was it- and that’s all the patience that I have.
I’ve been following you on twitter but just figured out that I wasn’t following on your blog. Fixed that now. 🙂
Dark times. Shudder. Yup, I shudder at mine, too. I adore this post and your confidence in separating the wheat from the chaff. A great analogy.
“I’ve learned after all these years to trust my maternal instincts and help my children reach the next level based on their readiness cues.” <—–Amen to that. WE know them better than ANYONE.