“I love the beach!” I exclaimed to my husband while loading up the last of our beach baggage. “Why don’t we go more often?”
“Because you hate the beach,” he quipped.
“No, I don’t! Sun, surf, sand — what’s not to love?”
“At best, you have a love-hate relationship with the beach. Every parent does. It’s just the way it is,” he declared.
No way! I thought. He’s crazy! I told myself. And then we spent a day at the beach …
Whether you love and/or hate the place where the ocean meets the land, every parent has basked in the following thoughts in the sand:
1. Beach day + family day = BEST DAY!
2. I can’t wait to relax with the sand between my toes.
3. I’m finally going to crack into this book that’s been on my nightstand for two years!
4. Why did we bring so much stuff?
5. You guys, help me. Everybody carry something.
6. Should we take two three trips?
7. Kids, stop kicking sand.
8. I know the sand is hot. Where are your sandals?
9. Is this a good spot? How about over there? Or there? Or what about down there?
10. No, this is too far from the water.
11. No, this is too close to the water.
12. Man, walking in sand is serious cardio.
13. The tide looks high.
14. Are there any shark warnings I should know about?
15. Let’s set up here by the lifeguard tower! It’s safest here.
16. Wait! Stay here! I need to put sunscreen on you!
17. Because you need it.
18. Because you don’t want a sunburn.
19. Yes, sunburns do hurt that bad.
20. Wait, I have to rub it in.
21. Yes, I do.
22. Wait, you have to let it dry.
23. Yes, you do.
24. Stop kicking sand.
25. We don’t throw sand.
26. Don’t eat the sand.
27. Where is he? WHERE IS HE? Oh, you’re right behind me. Whew!
28. What’s that thing out there? No, there! IS THAT A SHARK?
29. OK, you can go ankle deep in the water. How deep? ANKLE DEEP.
30. Remember: The ocean demands respect.
31. Ah, this is the life.
32. Look at our little beach babes!
33. Smile! Say, “Yay, beach!”
34. The beach is awesome. We should come here every weekend.
35. Maybe we should live near the beach!
36. How much do you think those houses go for right there?
37. What about those condos?
38. What about apartments?
39. Never mind.
40. What’s wrong, honey? Sand in your eye?
41. Hold on, don’t rub it.
42. STOP RUBBING YOUR EYE!
43. Want me to show you how to build a sandcastle? I’m pretty good at it.
44. What do you mean it looks bad?
45. Sure, I’ll bury you in the sand.
46. Look, I gave you sand boobies!
47. Oh, no! Why are you crying?
48. I’m sorry! No more boobies! No more boobies! Look, boobies are gone.
49. Why are you crying now?
50. I know you can’t move, you’re buried in the sand!
51. You have to poop right now?
52. Ugh … beach bathrooms are gross.
53. Man, it’s really getting crowded here.
54. Yes, you can eat chips now.
55. Grrrrreat, now there’s a ton of sand in the chip bag.
56. Hold on, let’s put on more sunscreen.
57. Because you need it.
58. Because you don’t want a sunburn.
59. Because I have to keep putting it on.
60. I don’t know, a lot more times. We’ll have to put it on a lot more times.
61. Wait a little while before going back in the water.
62. Because you’ll get a cramp.
63. It’s hot!
64. The water’s freezing!
65. Don’t go out so far!
66. Is that broken glass?
67. [whisper] It’s OK to pee in the ocean.
68. DO YOU THINK EVERYONE PEES IN THE OCEAN?!
69. Try not to get sand on the beach towels.
70. No, you can’t have my phone to play Pokémon GO.
71. I don’t care about rare water Pokémons.
72. Stop throwing your Cheez-Its to the seagulls.
73. Drink some water. No, not ocean water!
74. You’re looking a little pink.
75. Am I looking pink?
76. Tell me if I start looking pink.
77. Siri, play “Cruel Summer” by Bananarama!
78. Maybe we should have gotten here earlier to save a fire pit.
79. [Sigh] I remember when my body looked like that.
80. Honey, leave your swimsuit on.
81. I know it’s itchy.
82. I have sand in my butt, too.
83. Is anyone watching that toddler over there?
84. Is she about to go in the water?!
85. DOES THIS TODDLER BELONG TO ANYONE?!
86. Yeah, a metal detector would be cool. Maybe you can ask Santa.
87. Don’t bury your trash! We have to throw that away. Dig it all up right now!
88. Why did I bring this book?
89. Let’s write our names in the sand!
90. Let’s Instagram it! #beach #beachykeen #summer #happy #sun #family #beachhairdontcare #lifesabeach #vitaminsea
91. I’m so exhausted.
92. I could really go for a shower right now.
93. Are you having fun?
94. I’m totally having fun-ish.
95. Oh no! That wave just took him down!
96. Honey, are you OK?
97. I don’t know where your goggles are.
98. The beach is hard.
99. The beach is awesome.
100. The beach is worth it.
MOMMYFRIEND 
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