Today I watched my son cross the stage in his 8th grade promotion ceremony. Dressed sharp in a charcoal vest and tie, he took to the field of his new high school seven inches taller and immeasurably wiser than the once-timid kid nearly swallowed whole by 7th grade.
Junior high wasn’t easy on any of us. There were tears, missing assignments, and awkward school dances. But there were also moments of real growth, glory, and newfound freedom. My son may have graduated today, but in a way, so did we. As my husband and I sat in the stands to cheer on our boy, the following thoughts pomped and circumstanced in our heads:
1. Thank God junior high is finally over.
2. Why does this feel like déjà vu? Ah, yes, 6th grade graduation.
3. I can’t believe he’s going into high school.
4. I’m too young to have a high schooler!
5. Some kids use drugs/drink/have sex in high school. Even good kids.
6. We need to have another talk with him.
7. Is now too soon?
8. Limos? Really? What’s left for high school graduation? A private jet?
9. Quick, grab the closest seats! Go! Go! Go!
10. Sir, you can’t reserve an entire bleacher row.
11. I can’t remember the last time I sat on bleachers.
12. Ugh, it’s hot.
13. What’s with all these balloons, people? The graduation bulletin specifically said no balloons. There goes our view.
14. Keep kickin’ my back, kid. Keeeeeeep kickin’.
15. What time is it?
16. How long until it starts?
17. How long do you think this will last?
18. 600 GRADUATING 8TH GRADERS?! Forever. This is going to last forever.
19. My butt hurts.
20. Did anyone bring snacks?
21. Do I look sunburned?
22. Where’s the nearest bathroom?
23. See if you can nab a few more programs for fanning.
24. IT’S STARTING! IT’S STARTING! SILENCE, PEOPLE.
25. I can’t hear the principal.
26. Can you hear the principal?
27. [FEEDBACK] MY EARS! MY EARS!
28. “I pledge allegiance to the flag (and the dress that is stuck to my butt).”
29. Here they come!
30. There he is! There he is! Wait, no, that’s not him.
31. Are those girls wearing formals? WHY.
32. And tall heels on grass? DOUBLE WHY.
33. Honey, those girls have professional up-dos! What do you mean, “So?”
34. Tuxedos? Really?
35. Is that the girl he likes? Or is it that one?
36. You guys, you guys, that’s the girl he likes. Down there. To the right. In the red. No, the other girl. No, the dark hair. Oh, never mind.
37. Does that kid have a full beard?
38. Some of these kids are taller than us — by a lot!
39. That’s him, for sure! In the grey!
40. [WAVES HYSTERICALLY] HELLO! HI! WE’RE HERE! WE’RE HERE! RIGHT HERE! LOOK HERE!
41. He saw us! He found us! [high fives all around]
42. Parents did not hire professional photographers and videographers … wait, yes they did.
43. (This isn’t high school, jeez.)
44. Am I crappy for thinking that?
45. Maybe this is an LA thing …
46. Why am I crying?
47. WHY AREN’T YOU CRYING?
48. Next stop, high school graduation!
49. Then college graduation!
50. Then no more graduation!
51. It’s all going by so fast and it’s not fair and life is mean and beautiful and amazing and … MY BABY!
52. He’s next!
53. [HEART SWELL] WOOO-HOOO! WAY TO GO! [LOUD WHISTLING]
54. Did you get good pictures?!
55. Let’s look at them right now.
56. OK, I’m bored now.
57. What? They already called his name.
58. Can we sneak out early to the graduate exit?
59. They’re calling the Zs! It’s almost over!
60. You guys, let’s form a giant human chain and hurry out. No family member left behind!
61. Where is he? Where is he? Someone text him. Someone call him! Can you see him? There he is!
[HUGS/CONGRATULATIONS/LEIS/PICTURES/MORE HUGS/KISSES/MORE PICTURES]
62. [Sigh] Sunrise, sunset, man.
MOMMYFRIEND 
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