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The life of a working mom requires a lot of juggling. And daycare.
I’ve written about the tiresome mommy wars and made my personal plea to play nice. But a fellow mother must not have read the memo when she graciously provided me with this anti-daycare propaganda link. Good girl gone bad, my fangs came out.
Please allow me to clear up one little thing: It’s not abuse, it’s daycare.
The website states, “Daycare institutions don’t care about or love your child like you do.” Damn right and I’m not asking them to. No working mother believes daycare can love their child like they can. I’m paying (not asking) daycare to keep my child safe and enriched for a certain number of hours a day. I’m paying daycare to engage my child in music, art, and socialization. Daycare does these things for me and they do it well because I picked a great one. I did my homework and excuse me, my daycare cares.
The website quotes, “Daycare is a sad place…” – Toy Story 3. Maybe daycare is a sad place FOR A TOY!
Daycare may not be for every family but it is for mine.
I work outside the home and my children are in preschool and after-school care. This is our life, we don’t cry about it and most importantly, we don’t view our decision as one of defeat or resignation.
Daycare doesn’t care? Then you haven’t found the right one.
Daycare doesn’t love? It doesn’t need to, that’s what I’m here for.
MOMMYFRIEND 
I think daycare is VITAL. If not full-fledged 40 hour/week daycare, then at least one or two days a week. I know my son had more fun at daycare than at home! Plus, now that he’s in big-boy school (1st grade!) he is much more socially mature than a lot of the kids whose parents kept them home full time. Raising a family is about encouraging your kids to grow and expand as the little people they are growing up to be. Plus, I like being able to work and put money away for the future. Putting a kid in daycare does not reflect on how good or bad a mother you are, or how desperately you need an extra paycheck, it’s a decision based on you and your family and what feels right. I picked up a job not because I needed it, but because I thought I would be cheating my family if I didn’t give them the chance to learn and grow out from under my thumb.
Daycare is a personal choice. I would never rally that daycare is best or home care is best. What works for your family is always the best choice. No mother ever made the choice to place their child in daycare easily. No mother ever chose a daycare easily either. So long as we’re making these choices in the best interest of our families, we can never be wrong.
Nicely played! Daycare is like school. You don’t expect your children’s teachers to LOVE your children like you do. But you expect them to care for them and about them, help them grow and keep them safe.
Some people are stupid.
I know for one that my day care DOES care. They really treat Kinsley like one of their own grandchildren, even buying her clothes and gifts.
Now do i love her more, YES i’m the Momma. But really that woman is just a nut job. Kinsley is so advanced and i know daycare is to thank for that. I would love to stay home but i’m happy knowing she’s getting such good care!
Wait, this was an actual debate? There’s not enough room in this box for me to appropriately type how annoyed that makes me (also I might curse more than your audience would like).
Whoa, you’ve got a cat fight going on over here. I haven’t done the daycare or after school care with my girls, but my 3 yr. old is in a 1/2 day pre-k program. My mom was a single parent and I went to daycare, and she was simply doing what she had to do. What’s important, as you mentioned is that she found the “right one.” It’s really sad that Moms have to fight, we need each other for God’s sake. I love and respect my girlfriends that work outside the home, work from home, and stay at home, all making tough decisions in raising their little ones. Keep your head up Mommyfriend, discussing these issues is exactly what Moms need so we can learn to appreciate each other’s personal choices and lifestyles.
Well said, Lori. As always! 🙂
My mom is someone who sorta believes that. Just this week I was telling her how I will be looking for a PT nanny when we are in LA for work and if she could have gouged my eyes out she would have. Gave me the whole song and dance of the dangerous of daycares & nanny’s and that they could “mess” with my son and I’ll never know. Whatever. You do what you got to do.
I completely agree with you! As if us moms don’t have enough stress in our lives… let’s add more by making us feel like we aren’t doing our duty by putting our children in daycare. We do it so we can provide for our children, for our families. Nothing against SAHM’s, I was one for the first year and a half of my son’s life and I wouldn’t take that back for anything. But I needed to work to help my family… and no one can tell me that I am not being a good mom by working and having my son in daycare. You go Lori!
You are correct. Finding the “right” daycare to keep your child safe and enriched for a certain number of hours a day is all that is required! We, as parents, will do the rest. You grew up in “before and after school daycare” and emerged as a self-sufficient and wise woman! Need I say more!!
I can’t stand anti-daycare people, especially since that’s where I used to work. Of course the employees don’t love your child like you do. They didn’t birth them! But they care enough to help them learn and keep them safe.
AMEN!!! As a working mom and the sister of a daycare director, the daycare bashing drives me crazy. I think daycare has been wonderful for us, you just have to find the one that’s the right fit for you.
You are so right on. Daycare/preschool is not a substitute for parents. We have had really good experiences because like you, we picked good ones, that do care.
Good points. It always frustrates me how people can just generalize any topic into oblivion. Seriously, what would be the point of sending you a link like that, that doesn’t even have any personal application to you? Argh!
Arrrrgh!! Really?? Those moms who insist that their ways and opinions are RIGHT just annoy the crap out of me. Even if we disagree with someone else’s choices, can’t we keep our mouths shut and offer support? Those poor know-it-all moms…it must be exhausting always being right.
This website makes me sad 😦 Any time some one claims that everything about something is awful you should be suspicious. It also rubs my feminist side the wrong way – women (and families) should be supported in caring for their children in a way that works for them so long as it is not dangerous. The sad thing is, I’m sure that some daycare facilities are dangerous and sad places and wouldn’t the energy of this website be better spent uniting stay at home moms and working moms to create safe outside of the home care for all children? I give two thumbs DOWN to Daycares Don’t Care, and two very enthusiastic thumbs UP to mommyfriend!
All too true! And so very succinctly put. As parent in the same spot as you (many years ago) we struggled with the best thing to do – And came to the same conclusion. While we lamented the loss of those special hours, we also recognized that raising a child – takes a village – and exposing you child to a broader world that is not under your sole control (with your hang-ups and prejudices) is actually a good thing. Sure, Day care doesn’t treat your kids like you do, but what your kids grow up neither does the world. Day care in its own way CAN be a tool for doing parent job #1 – preparing your child to be self-sufficient – to go on without you – and be OK.
While my kids have never been in daycare, I have many friends whose children go there. I agree, I think if your daycare doesn’t care about your kids, they you are right you need a new one. My friends’ tell me about the fabulous things their daycare does with their children and how happy they are with them. That’s when you know you found the ‘right’ place.
Hi I’m a new follower to your blogs, and I appreciate this post. I have for kids and all my kids except this last one went to day care promptly at 6weeks old. I did my reasearch and found wonderful daycares that provided the basics like you stated. True daycare isn’t for everyone and if you have people to take of your child, I would rather have them with friends/relative anyday. However when your a working mom/family…then daycare is there for you. I appreciate what you said about “being sad for a toy”…yes I saw ToyStory3…loved it and yes those poor toys were tormented..but again they was toys…..but at daycare I always picked my kids up happy and they always were well taken care of for what a daycare provider is trained to do. I also loved my kids daycare and recommeded all I could to send there kids. My last baby has been able to be watched at home while I’m at work by my aunt so I appreciate that but yet she is still paid and doing a job…however when that times comes to put Muffin in a daycare setting I won’t bate a lash in doing so. Again excellent post.
Ugh! In my personal opinion, being a mom involves so many tough, personal choices. Sometimes I make the blind assumption that everyone believes this to be true. That’s why propaganda like this always makes me so sad! I know I personally am trying my best everyday to take care of my family and do right by them. This means that daycare is necessary for us. I refuse to feel bad for making that personal choice and I would not judge another mom for making the same choice or a different one.