Your Husband, Your Kid?

A Note to Big Daddy P: You have been such a good sport to be the subject this blog entry; just another reason to love you.

Mommy Friends, tell me I am not the only one whose husband is yet another child she has become mom to. Let me preface this by saying Big Daddy P and I make a great team. He’s mean, I’m nice. He’s slapstick, I’m witty. He’s vanilla and I’m chocolate, a veritable yin to each other’s yang. He completes me and all that gooey stuff; I am one lucky mother for sure.

Yet, even in spite of all his fantastical qualities, somewhere along the way I became his mother. Is this what happens when we love someone, we become their mother? Scheduling their appointments, cooking their meals, washing their undies…hmm, if it looks like a mom and walks like a mom then it’s probably a mom.

Big Daddy P, a child at heart

Do you remember when you were first living with your man, how super fun it was to even iron his shirt? It was his shirt that you were ironing with the iron that belonged to the both of you! OK, so maybe ironing was never your idea of domestic bliss, but you know what I mean. Nothing gave me greater joy than cooking my husband dinner and watching him clean his plate. Aww, I thrived on domestication and it was so sweet. What I didn’t know then was that the domestic pleasures that gave me so much satisfaction would later come to feel like just another chore on the checklist that is my life.

As my partner in crime, Big Daddy P has been assigned to take care of all the dirty, gross and technical jobs. But when you think about it, how often do you really need the toilet snaked or a dishwasher installed? Not that often. How often do you need to schedule an appointment or cook a meal, uh…pretty much all the freakin’ time. We Mommy Friends have made life look so supremely easy that I am afraid our master scheduling talents may have led us to The Land of Resentment, an ugly place to be.

If we have the everyday variety chores and they have the sometimes chores, is that fair? I work with a wonderful Mommy Friend who has a lovely 18 year old daughter. She told her daughter something I wish my mom had told me, she said, “You will always have to do more than anyone in your household. More than your husband, more than your kids. It is what moms and wives do”. True dat Mommy Friend. She didn’t tell her daughter out of anger or spite, but simply out of resigned truth.

Have you ever wondered what your partner would do without you? Do they know how to schedule a doctor’s appointment through your HMO or where the immunization records live? Do they know when the kids need their teeth cleaned and what days the school is closed? I have a sneaking suspicion they don’t, but that’s only because they don’t have to; they have you.

I’ll admit I was feeling pretty smug with that last sentence until I realized…I don’t know how to shut off the main water or the last time the lawn was aerated or what aerated even means. My gut is telling me that you Mommy Friends don’t know either. We don’t know because we are too pretty to have to (obviously), but more importantly, it’s not our job. And while his chores may be less frequent, they are about 1,000 times more awful. I wouldn’t want to get rid of the dead possum in our backyard or clear my nasty hair clog out of the drain, hell to the no!

It seems I had let myself get so caught up in keeping score of who does what and how often that I had lost sight of the big picture. The beautiful big picture of caring for the man I love with a humble heart and to the best of my ability. He’d move mountains for me; it seems folding his socks is the least I can do.

A great big special thank you goes out to Big Daddy P for all the encouragement he has given me in creating this website. He has been my technical support, illustrator (yes, those sketches are his!) and my endless inspiration. You are the real deal; lucky me.


  1. ya know its kinda scary how much this stuff is true and how much i can relate lol im a s.a.h.m. too with our 2yr old son Joseph. and my husband works full time and goes to school full time. i get mad him because as soon as he gets home from work he just takes his pants off well whereever hes standing at that moment and just leaves them there, he does it with everything, he leaves the clothes on the floor when he takes a shower he leaves all his gel and hairspray and tooth brush out after he gets ready for work in the morning, he doesnt even rince out his dishes after hes done using them. as soon as hes done he sits on the couch and falls asleep. on one hand i wanna throw any object that is closest to me at him and tell him to get his lazy ass up and that im not his slave…but at the same time, hes been working9hours and then school for another 5, so by the end of the nights hes a zombie…..but does that give him the right to do what he wants? or be a slob and just expect me to clean up after him.
    i mean he thinks that i get my daily cleaning schedule done within the first 2hours of waking up and that i sit on the couch all day….but keep in mind, we have a indoor dog, AND a two year old(going through the terrible twos as well)! i seriously vaccum 3times a day, if its not crums, its dog hair, if its not spilled juice, its dog treat crums.. im literally cleaning all day, i get about an hour and a half of silent time, when my son is taking a nap. but while hes sleeping i have to take a shower ,finish whatever project i started, figure out what ima make for dinner, take the dog out. pick up joes toys from playing, and prepare to pick them up again when he wakes up. i mean its just a little irritating that when my husband gets home he just adds to the list of things i need to clean or do.

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  3. MacGvyer’s responsibilities include: making phone calls, picking up takeout, taking the car for maintenance, yard work. I do pretty much everything else, including, but not limited to, water heaters, drain snakings and spider massacres. If I’m really lucky, he’ll fold the laundry or unload the dishwasher. And that’s ok for us 🙂

  4. Well, yes I do a lot. But, I am a stay at home mom. Kyle brings home the bacon. Wanna know a shocker? He does the ironing. He likes it and is better at it than me. He irons my stuff too. With Hunter,his job is bath & story time before bed. And of course taking out the trash. He often helps me to change the bedsheets on our king size bed and helps vacuuming sometimes. As for his big jobs, I also help with all of those. Yard work, and any repairs that need to be done, I do a lot with him. Though many times he doesn’t let me help him because I usually get hurt. haha I often wonder too what he would do without me. And if he knows that it’s not a little elf that washes his clothes and keeps the house clean. I can’t say that his mom did mom stuff for him as he was older. Kyle and his siblings had to do their own laundry, clean, etc. So I guess I’ve been more of a mom. 😉 The joys of being a wife and mother.

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