The Great Baby Registry Conspiracy

Let it be known that I am not a conspiracy theorist.  I am not one of those kill-joys who believe Valentine’s Day is a conspiracy on behalf of florists and greeting card companies designed to get you blow your cash in the name of love.  Every Mommy Friend knows it’s just a reminder for your man to do what he ought to at least once a year, I digress.  Even this Mommy Friend doesn’t think babies should go without luxury items if those items offer even an ounce of sanity to their parents.  With that out of the way, I feel it my obligation as a PSA of sorts to warn you of the scam I have fallen victim to, (gasp!)  twice:

The Great Baby Registry Conspiracy

I see you, all adorably round with that gorgeous baby inside you.  You plan the “Registry Trip” and admit it, you are totally excited.  Maybe you even make a day out of it.  Like a kid on Christmas, Big Baby Retailer arms you with this awesome scanner thingy and a list.  You are a soldier, armed with your gun and a plan to concur the enemy.  Prepared to do battle, you glance at the list but it is no ordinary list, oh no.  It is a list of Baby Registry Essentials.  ESSENTIALS!?  Oh my gosh, if these items are essential we better get scanning stat, before I give birth in the stroller aisle and my baby has to go without!

It is completely understandable to fall victim to this scam as a first time mother.  I mean really, what do you know?  The list says it is essential for your baby to have a wipe warmer and you are like, “OK, a wipe warmer.  Should we have one at each grandma’s house?”, before you know it you have scanned quantity 3 at $34.99 each.

As a first time Mommy Friend I registered for pretty much everything on that essentials list and rushed out to buy the remainder of my registry before my due date.  I MUST HAVE THOSE OUTLET COVERS BEFORE I GIVE BIRTH!  You pretty much feel that you are depriving your child or preparing them for a life of disadvantage if you choose to overlook the bottle sterilizer.  As a second time Mommy Friend, I felt smugly hip to this game and I scoffed at the obvious ploy to steal my nest egg until a little thing called doubt crept in.  I had developed preggo amnesia, certain I had forgotten what I really needed or ever used and suddenly felt compelled to register for more and more.  Lady, give me the scanner gun before somebody gets hurt!  Turns out all my baby really needed was a crib, a car seat, jammies, diapers and mom who knew a thing or two about nursing, who woulda thunk?

To that end, I have said my peace.  And, because I am your Mommy Friend, I vow to buy off your registry without judgment if invited to your shower.  It’s what true Mommy Friends do.