You’ve got a big butt and I cannot lie.
Children are the most honest creatures you will ever meet. Let me preface that by saying children are the most honest creatures you will ever meet about the things that won’t get them in trouble…or at least the things they think won’t get them in trouble.
If you want to know if that dress makes you look fat, ask your kid; they’ll tell you.
When my son was 4 years old we were walking into a store from a parking lot and we could see our reflections outside the store window. I noticed the w-i-d-e-n-e-s-s of my lower half and muttered, “Mommy looks fat” only to have my son say, “Yeah, you have a big butt.” Look kid, tell me something I don’t already know. I laughed because it surprised me but inside I died a little, yep, just a little. I said, “Don’t say that, that’s mean!”, to which he replied, “Why? It’s true.” With one little statement he managed to dash away my secret hope that my butt wasn’t as big as I had feared. Turns out my butt WAS (and still is) as big as I had feared and my self-criticism painfully warranted, ouch.
I hadn’t thought about that moment until last night when I was tucking my eldest into bed. As I said my goodnights he looked at me puzzled and asked, “Why do you always have cracks in your eyes?”, referring to my bloodshot eyes. I passed on telling him he and his brother were the reason I have “cracks” in my eyes. Deciding to save him from that bit of honesty was a courtesy he has yet to master.
I think most Mommy Friends appreciate and even encourage a little dishonesty or omission of truth in the interest of sparing feelings. My eldest’s George Washington “I cannot tell a lie” persona is admirable yes, but if this kid ever hopes to grow up with an ounce of game, he is going to have to learn the rules.
~The Women Rules~
1. Refrain from agreeing with a woman when she makes as self-deprecating remark. Obey this rule particularly if the remark is true.
2. The answer to “Does this make me look fat?” is always no. If the outfit does make her look fat, it’s obviously the outfit and not the fat so suggest an alternative outfit that better brings out her eyes or something like that. Be slick and be quick in your rational behind the wardrobe change because any hesitation on your part whatsoever will be immediately detected and scrutinized. Come up with some smooth responses to store in your repertoire; it may just be the smartest thing you ever did.
3. Compliment her supermom skills. As much as we adore hearing we’re beautiful, we get that all the time [giggle] but we care just as much about the good stuff inside. Mommy Friends pride themselves on their mothering talents and always try their best. A sincere compliment regarding our ridiculously awesome mothering skills will reap plentiful rewards (and who knows, you may just get lucky).
4. When your woman is upset about something, especially when it pertains to principle, just let her drone on and on. She needs to talk and she’s not asking you to solve it. Often through talking she will reach her own conclusion. Is it the same conclusion you would have been able to offer her 3 hours ago? Perhaps, but she needed to uncover the solution for herself. I know it’s boring and I know you’ve tuned out but learn how to sleep with your eyes open and mutter a lively, “uh huh” and “I know” every once and a while.
5. Give her permission to abandon perfection. Compliment her adorable quirks and hearty laugh. These are the individual qualities that make her so uniquely special to you. There can never be another girl quite like yours.
I agree my eldest is much too young to be educated on “The Women Rules” but you better believe there will come a time when they will be in tall order. I don’t need my boy making the young girls cry. I hope my little George Washington will grow to be a man who tells the truth when it counts, spares feelings when it matters and possesses the wisdom to know the difference.
MOMMYFRIEND 
Ah ,children, the cure for vanity and self involvement, but at what cost?Women may make self depreciating remarks, but I believe it’s a masked attempt to gain complements. Most of the women who make them look fine (a major annoyance), save for the infinitesimal flaw that they are now solidly focused on. (back side too big, nose not right, arms too long, etc.) I would love to meet a woman who isn’t vain at all about her looks and is a little more focused on the correct set of values in her life, but that’s hopeless…. A bunch of garbage has been poured into her brain from the time she was a little girl, about Cinderella, Prom night, weddings, makeup and being the solid center of attention at all times, otherwise you’re not ‘OK.’ A lot of already beautiful women have be ruined by this self involved mentality. I’ve met a few myself.Perhaps there’s a woman out there who doesn’t give a rat @$$ about her looks and would rather just be happy no matter the circumstances of her life and that carries over in a wonderful way to everyone she meets, but… ( with the kind of self involved mentality that prevails today), I doubt it’s even possible.
Great post my dear mommy friend!
hahahaha! its so true… i tend to drone and drone about ridiculous thngs and even turn the teary tap on… but i dont want my hubby to FIX IT…. him asking, well what can i do??!! with frustation just adds to the length of my balbbering and tears… 😛
Visiting from Friday Follow.Have a great weekend.
I hope my kids are never honest to me…wait, that sound weird?
Happy Friday Follow. Could not find a GFC to join so following you on twitter. Great job on the blog. http://www.thriftycanucks.blogspot.com
I found you from FF; http://beonefineday.blogspot.comThanks for sharing.Nan
Stopping in from Friday Follow…subscribed right away! You have a fun blog with some great stories. I’m trying to teach my son some of these same rules 🙂
Hello! Happy FF=0) I’m a new follower and hope you will follow me too!I love your list!HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!xoxo,Carolhttp://www.cieloazuljewelry.blogspot.com
Love the mommy rules, love the honesty of kids:)
Following you over from Friday Follow!Stop by and enter my giveaway: http://extremepersonalmeasures.blogspot.com/2010/05/eco-friendly-peter-rabbit-organic.html
Hi. Nice to met you. I don’t think it is ever to early to start learning one or two of those!! Have a great weekend.
Hi! Stopping by from Friday Follow. Please stop by my little corner of the bloggysphere when you get a chance! I am co-hosting an amazing fundraiser and you could win a week in an Orlando Vacation Home just for donating!!! Plus lots more goodies are being auctioned off.http://www.fivemonkies.com
I don’t think that kids are ever too young to learn this. ;)I wish my husband’s mom had taught him better.
I love your Mommy Rules! What a great friend you are!! My husband and I always talk about #4. He always feels he/a man needs to find a solution to the problem where I/woman just want to talk it out.
And kids and honesty! I teach 4 and 5 year olds and there’s nothing but “honesty”, esp. the “You’re not my friend any more” type.
Thanks Lori, for these great mommy friend rules!!
Okay, your Women Rules point out exactly why men find women so confusing. Come on PJ, where’s the Men Rules? Ha 🙂