Queen Of The Universe

I had become one of those pregnant women you didn’t want to know. I secretly believed I was the most important woman on the planet because I was expecting. Self-importance is a quality my husband loathes in anyone, especially pregnant women. I thought I’d kept my selfish beast pretty well hidden from him but every once and a while I heard, “Don’t act like Queen of the Universe just because you’re pregnant!”  True dat. See, my husband is the ultimate realist and I love him for it…most of the time. If you REALLY want to know if that dress makes you look fat, he’ll tell you. If you want someone to lie to you, ask your most supportive girlfriend.

So I thought this selfish behavior really began to consume me with the onset of morning sickness. I guess it was because no matter what life problems people I knew were going through, at least they weren’t living in constant fear of barfing on their shoes like poor me. Even other pregnant women around me were less important because they all looked better, which meant they felt better, and thus, were less important than me. While I may have thought I was the most important person in my world, others clearly saw it differently.  

Now that you are beginning to dislike me, or at least, think I’m sorta funny, just know that even pregnant I was fully aware of how ridiculous I was.  Pregnant or not, I am someone who is incredibly self-aware and devotes a large part of her cerebral functioning to thinking about how her behavior and actions impact others. Therefore, any negative opinions you may have about me in my crazy pregnant state should be erased because I choose to believe the admittance of such nonsensical behavior categorizes me as “charming” rather than selfish.

 Also, my husband would never ever let my feet leave the ground under any possible circumstance. If I found a cure for Cancer and received world-wide recognition, he’d remind me that I was the girl peed on the bathroom floor dry-heaving from morning sickness and to get over myself.