Sometimes I Choose Me

I love you kids now get it yourself.
 
You’re a mom, you know how it goes.  You give and you give and you give some more and when you’re not busy giving some element of yourself to someone or something, you feel guilty.  What’s up with that? 
 
And so I say this: Mommy guilt can suck it!
 
I’ve never been busier or stressed in a good way than I am right now and I made the decision that it’s OK to choose me sometimes.  I have to.

See, I love my kids and my house and everything but it’s either time to expect more out of them or less from myself.

Meal time

My kids are grazers, they eat all the time.  Just when I get them situated with a meal and sit to eat for myself, they need more milk, or an extra napkin, or something.  By the time I finally reach my food it’s cold and I’m forced to eat it at record speed over the sink while I check homework and listen to someone beg me for a Band-Aid.  Dude!  So now I get everyone situated, give them a last call for anything they may want/need and I eat.  Seated.  If you need more anything or an extra anything you are going to politely need to wait exactly 5.5 minutes while I inhale what’s on my plate because I am a fast eater and darn it, I deserve to eat my food warm.  Does that sound mean?  I don’t even care anymore.

Bed Time

Once I put BooBoo down for bed he calls for water at least 3 more times, then for an extra hug, then for the bathroom light to be turned on, then for me to get him “closey” (cozy).  So now he gets a drink of water, extra hugs, the bathroom light and cozy all before I say my final goodnight.  Anything above and beyond I am respectfully asking him to handle himself (obviously within reason) as an almost 4 year old.  Enough of this back and forth up the stairs 3 dozen times a night; I’m just not in good enough physical shape to handle the cardio.

What else am I doing to choose me?

  • I’m choosing chick-flicks on Netflix from now on because they make me happy dammit.
  • I go on two walks a day at work because it makes me feel good.
  • I’m asking my kids to be more self-sufficient because they are able.
  • I’m learning not to give a %$#&.

But that’s just me.  Maybe it’s because I’m turning 35 in like a week or maybe it’s just time.

I hope you have ways you choose you.  Share them, won’t you? 

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Comments

  1. I absolutely love it! Last night my 5 year old called me after I was in her room FOR AN HOUR and I thought I did so well–talking, reading, just being the best mom ever, and then I got downstairs to DO SOMETHING NOT KID RELATED for one second and she said “mommmyyy?” from the top of the steps, and I said “Get back into bed.” And she did, and she fell asleep. And I did not check on her for HOURS. And it felt good.

  2. I’m totally on the kids can do more themselves. We had a sit down about how quiet time did not involve me for 1 hour each day and while they looked perplexed…we are sticking to it. No guilt. Just a few minutes with my body and my mind to myself.

  3. GOOD FOR YOU!!! So, what was the last chick flick you watched? I think these are all good and reasonable changes. :) What will you be doing to celebrate your birthday?

  4. I absolutely need hot/at least warm food. So I get everyone’s stuff for them. Ask one last time. Then I do not get up. Easier to do with older kids. When our kids were little they ate before we did. They were starving at 5pm and I like to eat late, around 7. I’m a foodie and can’t eat most kids’ foods like mac and cheese. So, we sat with them, had conversation but most times we had an adult dinner after that. No guilt!

    PS Now that I have an iPad I’m watching every PBS masterpiece theater I’ve missed for the last 24 years!!!!

  5. Mommy guilt is so draining! We really need to kick it in the butt!

    I hear you about meal time! I’m up and down, and up and down, and up and down getting something for the boys throughout the meal. I swear there is a button on my chair that sends a single to the boys brain to ask for something every single time I sit down. By the time I get to eat the food is cold, I’ve lost interest and the baby needs a bath. So I find myself starving at 9pm. Not good!

    Showing the boys that I do put my needs first sometimes isn’t a bad thing, and I really need to do it more. Some habits are just so hard to break!

  6. It sounds like you were writing this post based on my life, but with one son.
    Yes, you absolutely have to take time for yourself. Count me in!

  7. Mommy guilt can suck it indeed!! I believe we need to look after ourselves, to better look after the family. No one likes a hungry, tired, grumpy mom!! Kudos to you!

  8. I feel like those limits (table, bedtime, etc) NEED to be set once kids become old enough to understand. They need to get that asking for things isn’t just like pushing a button, it doesn’t all happen instantly the second they want it. There is nothing wrong with instilling a little patience and setting a few rules.

    The guilt is so tough to battle, especially when they are asking for things that are so easy to give (more juice, a glass of water, a tuck-in), but it’s like the oxygen masks on airplanes- You have to put on yours first before you can help them with theirs. Crispy fried mommy brain = no bueno. For anyone.

    • “…but it’s like the oxygen masks on airplanes- You have to put on yours first before you can help them with theirs. Crispy fried mommy brain = no bueno. For anyone.” <—–AMEN! Thank you for that, so true and a great reminder!

  9. I love it. You need to be able recharge your batteries, which will make you a better mom.
    I have trouble giving my kids the responsibility that they can handle. Good for you. It will make them self-sufficient people.

  10. Bravo Lori! I am so glad you are taking your “me” time now because as the kids get older, it only gets worse! My pet peeve (and my kids are tweens/teens) is the second I go into the bathroom, someone is lurking outside that door! Are you kidding me? It is perfectly okay for you to take the time to focus on you so kick that guilt to the curb. By taking time for yourself, you will be a happier mommy all around! :)

  11. I like the last call at dinnertime. I’m going to have to institute that one as well, because they get crazy with the requests! Good idea.

  12. I just wrote about mom guilt this week! I started to feel guilty because maybe I’m not guilty enough! I value my “me” time and I choose to not be a martyr. Yeah, being a mom is tough, but sometimes I need to take a shower and get ready because I’m going to a Britney Spears concert. Sorry, kid,I love you, but I gotta dance until the world ends. ;)

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