Dear Friends, If You Only Knew

shutterstock_207599203My Dearest Girlfriends,

I’ve wanted to write you a letter of encouragement for a while, but as I sort through collected bits of wisdom scribbled on napkins and old receipts, I realize you’re owed honesty more than advice.

As the inaugural mom of our group, I’ve been long viewed as a maternal pioneer. I was the first to endure sleepless nights, picky eating, and preschool. Heck, I even survived “the talk” and lived to tell the tale.

As strange as it might sound, I wore the “experienced mom” badge with pride. Paving the way for you all felt like an important responsibility. As someone without a modern-mom mentor, I wanted to shield you from the isolation I felt, make motherhood seem positive rather than just possible, and reside as your personal expert in all things mom. You never asked me to do these things — I wanted to. [Read more…]

20 Things That Happen When You Go Grocery Shopping with Kids

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As a parent, there are a lot of things we’re forced to learn the hard way. Like, how an exception quickly becomes a rule to a child, or how an injury can occur from the most benign source, or how grocery shopping with kids is a special brand of torture.

And I’m bitter about it. Particularly about the last one. Somebody could have at least warned us. We might have been able to better prepare ourselves, bring in reinforcements, or develop an app for that, but noooo. Each one of us is thrust into grocery store grief unaware of the mayhem to come.

The first time we’re required to leave a full cart in aisle five on account of an explosive diaper or tantrum, we fool ourselves into believing things can’t get any worse. But they do. Soon enough, we find ourselves shopping with a hungry kid (or three) on crowded Sunday afternoons with only two aisles open. We shop when there’s only soy sauce packets and stale tortillas in the house despite weather suggesting certain armageddon. We shop when our kids are cranky, exhausted, and sometimes even contagious; all because we need stupid food from the stupid grocery store to stupid survive. Remind me again why there’s not a grocery store daycare center?

Despite the unforeseen and always ridiculous circumstances surrounding grocery shopping with kids, there are chilling constants I’ve grown to depend on. Take a look at 20 things that happen every time I go grocery shopping with kids.

36 Things No One Tells You About Parenting an Almost-Teenage Boy

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When my eldest son made me a mom, I had no idea what I was doing. I’d never diapered a baby before, or fed one, or really even held one for any notable length of time. Having a baby and not a clue was scary. I spent a lot of time researching and worrying, wondering and […]

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How to Fight on a Family Vacation

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Hi there, savvy travelers! Remember me? I’m the one who shared all those do’s and don’ts of family vacations just last week. The one who thought she had it allllllllll figured out. Well, I’m also the one who just got back from a 4-day 1,100 mile Las Vegas/Grand Canyon/Sedona road-trip adventure with my husband and two kids … […]

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56 Thoughts Every Woman Has While Shopping for a Swimsuit

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Remember how you couldn’t wait for summer and then it finally arrived and you remembered summer meant swimsuits … and swimsuits meant shopping … and shopping for swimsuits meant the following 56 thoughts? Good times. 1. You know what I need? A new swimsuit. 2. A cute one with support! Lots of support. 3. And […]

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The Do’s and Don’ts of Family Vacation

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In two days we’ll be packing up the car and heading to the Grand Canyon for what I hope will be a memorable family adventure. With two active kids and miles and miles of road under my fanny pack, I can tell you that our family has done vacations right, done vacations very wrong, and done […]

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I’ll Never Truly Be “Done” Having Babies

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As a woman, I’ve spent as much of my fertile life trying to prevent pregnancy as I have trying to facilitate it. At 26, I gave birth to my first child. At 30, I suffered a miscarriage. At 31, I gave birth to my second child. At 35, I questioned another. At 36, I decided […]

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#LoriGoesShopping Because Shopping Should Be Fun

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Look! I found this @officialluckybrand shirt at @marshalls that is just the cutest thing ever in the very best shade of red. Get in my closet! #luckyyou #marshalls #Lorigoesshopping #madeitmine #shopping #dressingroom #dressingroomselfie A photo posted by mommyfriend (@mommyfriend) on Jun 14, 2015 at 5:31pm PDT   If you follow me on Instagram, you’ve probably […]

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Kids Guess the Prices of Milk, Gas, Eggs, and More

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Like many kids, my 7-year-old wants for things — many, many expensive things I don’t necessarily have the budget or desire to purchase for him. Besides, that’s what allowances are for, right? Now if only we could reach an agreement regarding what his domestic efforts are worth … Our latest allowance negotiation went something like this: […]

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12 Popular Clichés … According to Kids

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“See? It’s a piece of cake!” I said to my 7-year-old son as he finished up his multiplication homework. “What cake?” he asked. “What?” “You said there was cake.” “No, I said it was piece of cake. As in, it’s easy.” “A piece of cake is easy? I don’t get it,” he said. Why would […]

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